失明與記憶

在繪畫藝術開始之前，只有黑暗；當它結束的時候，也只有黑暗。透過我們的色彩、顏料、技巧與熱情，我們記得阿拉曾命令我們「看」！知曉，是記住你曾經看見；看見，是知曉而無須記憶。因此，繪畫正是記住黑暗...

「摘下你的面紗。」他輕聲說：「拜託。」
「我已經嫁人了，我正在等待丈夫的歸來。」
「摘下你的面紗。」他用同樣的語調說：「你的丈夫再也不會回來了。」
「你安排與我在這裡相會，是為了告訴我這件事？」
「不，我這麼做是想見到你。我想了你十二年。
摘下你的面紗，親愛的，只要再讓我看妳一眼。」
我摘下面紗，他靜靜觀察我的臉，默默望進我眼眸深處，我感到很高興。
「婚姻和母職使妳變得更為美麗。妳的臉孔與我記憶中的完全不一樣。」
「妳如何記著我？」
「帶著痛苦，因為當我想起妳時，不禁會想，我所記憶的並不是妳，而是一種幻想。」

當你熱愛一座城市並且時常漫步探索期間時，你的身體，更不要說你的靈魂，或變得對這些街道極為熟悉，以致於多年之後，在一股或許因為憂傷飄落的輕雪所引起的哀愁情緒中，你會發現你的腿自動帶著你來到最喜愛的一個岬角。

Orhan Pamuk--My name is Red（我的名字叫做紅）

冷

一種稍被遺忘卻馬上熟悉起來的感覺。

從陽台，窗口，書桌，被窩，
一直透到在床上閱讀的我。

海島上冷的感覺和大陸的冷冽全然不同，
它並不刺骨，卻像是魔咒一般環繞在身體的四周。
就算是在室內，因為沒有暖氣的關係，
那種冷像是把空氣中的濕氣都上了色，
若有似無，又讓人無法忽略。

所有的器具也都和這冷一同凜凜地存在著。
座椅，書本，電腦，馬桶，甚至碗筷，
都像是固執著不肯立刻就跟你熟稔似的，
硬是要你把自己多餘的體熱分散出去之後，
才肯承認跟你的親密關係。

雖然這樣，
這冷卻是那麼令人熟悉阿。

楓葉

The memories of autumn
Originally uploaded by iceplee.

伍佰，冬之火演唱會。原曲：翁倩玉

當秋天灑下最後一把楓葉時 正是我要離開的時候 看著收拾好的行李　想起遠方的你 心裡竟然有一股　幸福的感覺 就在這個時候　地上的楓葉　剎那間

飛起來　飛過來　飛進我　深深心懷
越過那　寧靜海　充滿著　回憶的海
那陽光　灑下了愛　催促著　萬物綻開
那彩虹　像個小孩　勇敢的　堅定的　站起來

飛過那　矮竹籬　擦過那　斑駁牆壁
發黃的　照片裡　痛快著　那麼熟悉
不經意　和你相遇　在天空　飄著小雨
落下來　清澈的溪　甜美的　每一點　每一滴

楓葉啊　載滿著我的感動　楓葉啊　傾聽著我心情衷
深秋裡　伴隨著亮麗的夢　衝向我

化成了滿山和滿谷的對你思念
寫滿了滿地和滿天的愛的詩篇
詠嘆著生命的美麗和世界的無限
飛舞在以後和從前　它連成一片

隨著溪　流了去　隨著河　又流了來
離去時　心感激　回來時　滿心期待
因為愛　所以存在　露溼的　綠色青苔
晨曦中　迎風而來　飛進了　我心中　的大海

細微的聲音

有時以為是牆上突然出現了異形裡的怪物，
有時又像是吱嘎的閣樓地板在做最後的抗議，
這次該是隔壁有人在使用吸塵器。

咦，還是樓下說謊的除草器？
不可能，外面的雪正下得細...

也可能是隔街的醫院裡，吃人儀器的超重磁音；
抑或遠方漸漸逼近的警笛的蝴蝶效應？
小義大利的教堂鐘聲愉快，
旋律定時也清楚，伴著那個站在路旁永遠不知道
下個皈依者的姓名的瑪麗亞，
我排除它涉案的必要。

慢慢發現，
細微的聲響來自兩耳之間的龜裂餘韻----
那個失去花園的心靈
剝離了自我意識的細微噪音。

照片

該是昨天久違朋友的疑惑吧，
「所以已經照了的照片怎麼處理？」
老實說沒有仔細想過，
是該留作紀念品，
還是當作一種自我嘲諷的提醒？
只知道這件事情很公平，
因為小的在我這大的在她那。

奇怪的是，
這次翻開照片的感覺，
沒有太多不堪。
心裡只一直響著伍佰的歌：
「這時天空要下雨，我們笑得很勉強...」
（來自那英的我不是天使）

影中的兩個人物看起來竟卻各自陌生；
我的翻閱冷靜而遙遠
好像偷看陌生人家中的紀念冊，
帶著猥褻的真實。

闔上相簿，等待下次比較接近現實的決議。

Time to say goodbye

Went to the counselor today.
I have made the decision to delete her icon from the connecting list...

I feel empty for not knowing how to appreciate the world
and having someone to talk to, whenever I feel the slightest surprise.

I feel empty cause I don't know how to position myself,
whenever I feel like complaining how bad the day is,
or how wonderful the world is, you are not there already.

Time to say goodbye.
I wish her well, for the next eternity.

Numbness with pain and a hollow spirit

Don't have other images in mind, whenever I close my eyes...
Just miss the street with mango shaved ice and Japanese ramen,
where there is a small park, with every corner I remembered clearly.
People just come and go, take it a fancy place,
but I used to expecting you and the time to spend together.
From your high school time to my military service,
only Dust in the Wind left.

I haven't walked in that street for years,
maybe this Christmas I am able to do so.

To my deepest memory,
there is so much I couldn't speak out loud to you...

A rememberable day

Today is a remarkable day, for two reasons.
For one, happened in "Jeopardy". The long time champion Ken Jennings was defeated today!! (It later appears to me that this event happened in early September) What a surprise! He has became a celebrity after sucessively being the winner for more than 6 months. He always leads some significant amount of money earned higher than his comepetitor, and has accumulated for about 2.5 billion dollars as total amount of award... He has a close lead to the other competitor today, and made a fatal error in final jeopardy, in which the other competitor (I am sorry I didn't remeber her name, just know that she adapted a child from China. Her name is Nancy Zerg) correctly answered and put the amount that just over Ken Jennings' previous earning from First and Double jeopardy. What a dramatic turnover! The competitor herself couldn't believe it in the first place, either. I am like, dropping my jaw in front of the TV, and feel great right after be realizing that there is nothing impossible in the world... : )

The other thing worthy of remarking was related to the first one. Right after I learned such surprising news, I called her in order to express some excitement I encoutered. Although we are seperated, it seems to me there is some special connection between us while in the occasion that I feel linked, and to say something only and immediately to her... I called, and told her this "surprising" news while she said she knows nothing about it. After I turned immediately to some greetings for her current condition, she said that there is some phone call from others at the same time... I detected the distance, said good night and hung up the phone.

The special connection between these two persons has faded away... Why did I feel that sad right after I hung up the phone? I was numbed by her taking for granted response.

We have became two common people, two lay people dissolved in the crowds. The magic charm has disappeared...