10.31.2004
October, 2004
A month that I have experienced the things never imagined before.
At the first sight, it is so helpless and frustrated.
However, there is something as a regenerated force under the miserables.
I will remember it, as the clouds so clear and encouraging this morning.
Go for what I should promise to myself
and find someone is willing to dwell.
I know I can.
All the lies and rhetorics are left in ashes.
Whereas the telephone bill arrives,
it tells the real story;
The story of dishonesty and hiding away.
Let it stay in the world it belongs.
絕佳描述;The best description
Shockingly, I feel I was reading the self description for you.
Probably this is the thing I need to know long time ago,
however, I just so blind in my imagination,
and forgot you are the Scorpion...
Quote:
"I live in taiwan. I am an outgoing person who likes travel see new place and know new people. I like to go out with friends and listening to music , swimming,and traveling. I have been to italy, usa,japan,hongkong. 我是個動靜皆宜.酷愛美食和旅遊的女生.一直在尋找MR.RIGHT.是要靠老天爺給的緣份.如果你我有緣的話.不妨試試看囉.如果要交朋友一定要附照 片.這是基本的尊重 人跟人在一起~是緣份跟感覺,那是無法勉強!相信每個人會有一生一次的真愛。每個人在生命歷程中會逐漸形成某種樣貌的人,那是獨一無二的樣貌,是結合了態 度、性格、習慣等等而形成的樣貌。理論上,會有另外一個人,他的這些種種樣貌剛好會和你的形成最完美的搭配,指的並不僅僅是互補或默契,這句話的重點在於 「搭配」。也就是說,這樣兩個人的相處會是完全的愉悅。我稱呼這個人為「真愛」。人的一生會不會有這樣的一個真愛呢?當然有,只要有一個你,就會有一個理 論上跟你完全搭配的人。但是在你一輩子甚至好幾輩子中會不會遇到這樣的人呢?我的答案是,天知道。經過幾段感情之後,我漸漸感應到我的真愛會是什麼樣子, 也就是說,只要我遇到,我一定能夠認出他來,雖然我可能一輩子也遇不到。有人說我花心、不專情,我非常認真地說,我太專情了,我愛上的是一個我還沒遇見的 人,而且我為了他而放棄其他所有的可能的情感關係,即使我優游於許多異性朋友之間,但我始終在感情上忠貞不貳,並且也從未讓對方誤解過這一點".....
I think I probably konw what she wants,
but it's just not what I can relate to a relationship.
For sure.
10.29.2004
SADDEST POEM
I can only project my longing by reciting the great mind.
The silent longing.
Even vows and lyrics,
they cannot be carried, without the weight of love.
The Saddest Poem
by Pablo Neruda
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."
The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.
To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.
What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.
That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.
As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.
The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.
I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.
Someone else's. She will be someone else's. As she once
belonged to my kisses.
Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.
Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.
Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.
10.28.2004
Could anyone tell me?
without making the random code like the one in previous post?
The link for the lyrics of Koji Tamaki's "The heart of wine red"
could be found here
10.21.2004
10.20.2004
10.18.2004
In this transitional period
which can never reach my ear if what I encountered recently didn't happen.
Who knows, if there is something going on in the corner outside of one's vision,
how long would it take to wait the miserable feeling faded?
But, the promise and the waiting is still carrying on,
as the one that I have once missed to provide
in the time needed.
Good night, when she seems to step on her own journey,
I am sleeping under the blessing of stars.
10.17.2004
I feel your indifference
While she kept saying, "if you really put your true love in the relationship, you should know how to make me feel being loved," I must say, it is the moment when a relationship became a survivor game. The one who asks to judge a relationship by such "performance" has already become the referee of a relationship on the table, not the one who feel happy or sad at the same time with the partner.
She want to find the "true" love, and I wish her good luck.
10.13.2004
Make the taste of my life a cafeteria
Although I am kind of used to that way of life, it seems that I am too indulgent in what I have used to, and forget to play the tricks by myself and entertain other miserable souls.
As I remember that I am used to eat Thai food from the street vendor in front of my school, I feel I am obliged to eat their food, and also feel I am loyal to my taste. One day, I approached to the vegetarian wrap booth and asked for one because the Thai vendor was crowded with people. The freshness and revitalized taste surprised me. "I need to take different diet and make myself healthier" I think. This is the idea I am applying to my own life.
"Talk to myself, express as varied as the diet in the food," I remind myself quietly. After all, life is elsewhere.
10.03.2004
崑濱伯的命運觀(無米樂的隨意聯想)
我邊聽,只覺得這好像EvansPritchard在解釋Azande人理解為什麼穀倉會倒下來正好壓到某個人身上。他們知道米倉因為白蟻的齧蝕就快傾倒,但為什麼是哪個剛好坐在樹下的人?----只有巫術能解釋!
如何相信世界是隨機的?又如何把信仰放在自己需要解釋的位置?這些是和自我觀念息息相關的。
還有要說,無米樂拍的真不錯。但是要花多少時間換來這兩小時的觀看阿....(我記得Email傳來的訊息上是說三十個月)
10.02.2004
粗鄙的外交現實?華麗的語言魔障?
這篇文章是在昨天晚上和同學討論,今天中午和女友聊天之後產生出來的心得。雖然時效上已經晚了,不過我還是把它投到中國時報去,不知道有沒有機會出現?
粗鄙的外交現實?華麗的語言魔障?
身 為一個身處國外的留學生,台灣新聞裡 上演的每齣語言角力都是令人不斷嘆息,無言以對的劇碼。然而,這些劇碼背後有其確切的文化鬥爭意義所在,而這些文化鬥爭的實際意義常常被新聞的聳動感和對 立性掩蓋了。可惜的是,身處這些鬥爭中的當事人,卻也沒能把握如何處理這些能夠反映台灣實際困境的語言資產。
日前陳唐山部長對新加坡外長的「PLP」評論,就是個典型的例子。
陳部長以「PLP」 形容新加坡對待中國的奉承態度,實際上一點都沒有錯;面對支持台灣地位自主立場的鄉親,這樣的說法也絕對令人同情。問題是,當這種在國際困境中生長出來的 語言反應,面對以「風度翩翩,出入有節」的外交慣習,和國際政治野蠻現實的壓迫下,只能被說成一種粗鄙無文的下里巴人;陳部長的氣憤和鬱悶可想而知。但 是,身為一個國家外交政策的代表人時,有些話還是不應該直說出口。陳部長在回應記者時,大可以用更精巧的方式,來說明自己的困境。一種回應自己的「快語」 (不管到底是有意還是無心),但可以令人同情且感同身受的說法會是:「身為一個外交人員,我為這樣的說法道歉;但是面對處處受到壓迫的台灣外交地位,這樣 的說法表示我個人的無奈與憤怒。」如此清楚說明台灣在面對許多立場時敢怒不得言的憤慨,相信更能得到眾人的理解和支持;而不是把爭論轉移至藍綠意識,或 者,更誤導視聽的,認定鄉土語言的粗鄙特質上。
如 同連橫先生在「台灣通史」裡說:『台 灣本無史』;同樣也可以理解的是,「台灣本無文」。這種「無文」是一個在島嶼邊緣時時要為自我生存鬥爭的必然底線。無文所以可以無懼,適合需要械鬥要脅, 打了就跑的競爭現實。但是,當新的語言和文明轉化出現在歷史鬥爭的過程之中,向上提昇的力量往往是來自於對於當下糾葛處境得以昇華的渴望。如同楊渡先生在 日前的評論中提到,日據時期台灣文化協會諸賢的努力即是其一。文化應是一種對於未來生活的想望,一種轉化只為眼前翻滾掙扎的躍升力量。如果現在看到的文 化,是要用一種提煉過的詞藻去排斥另一種生存處境,那也是誤認了文化的底層蘊含。
作 為一個遙遠卻又心切的觀察者,企盼的 是當所謂的「草根語言」出現之後,論者與閱聽大眾可以試著去思考這種文明與粗鄙背後的文化衝突,與台灣面對的現實掙扎。對於當事人,我認為自然應該放下以 個人悲情經歷,和虛假的代表全民意志的態度,在外交處境壓迫時,明確表明真實心情與不得不道歉的現實差距;然而在另一方面,如果評論認為這種「鄉野詞彙」 的出現只是顯示了說話者的「無文」(或新奇地稱為「蠟筆小新」),而故意忽略在面對他國使用外交辭令同時卻也依恃著政治權力的蠻橫態度,也不過是一種以文 明人自居的鴕鳥心態。