11.15.2004

該羨慕還是遺憾?

朋友到遠方去跟愛人談判。
講電話時,說起這幾天的心得,她覺得自己好像每天都過了一個世紀,每天都有很大的里程碑在兩人的瞭解上。雖然最後可能決定不在一起,不過卻讓她覺得感動和豐收。

我為她高興,也為自己的狀況覺得難過。如果我曾經在離開的時候,能夠有過長長的對談,或者感受到來自另一人的一點點惋惜和嘗試再理解的努力,我會有完全不同的感覺。

我試圖去掩蓋這個遺憾的必要,讓我變得麻木,也變得脆弱。

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

This trip is more a journey of understanding myself, of exploring the real me, and of growing up, than anything else. Saying this, I am not denying that I made great progress of understanding him and his love (and I thank him sincerely for his selfless love), but still, I want to emphasize that this trip IS ALL ABOUT MYSELF.

The best part of this journey is that I finally understand that the courage of living a life of my own comes from my heart. Nobody else can help me get through the deep darkness, except myself.

The feeling of regret ever caught me and made me hard to breath. Now I know that I felt regret because I was trying to connect my life with some one else's, and I was too concerned with my gain and loss. This way of thinking always comes with sadness and complaints, which makes my heart a hell. But once I understood the strength of love and forgiving, and promised to practice them in my life, the roar in my heart magically halted.

Listen to the voice carefully from my heart and be honest. This is what the journey tells me.

icep said...

Thinking of this, I always get confused.
Is the connection to the history in a relationship not important?Isn't the commitment a way of engaging a path to mutual understanding? While I was trying to reasonalize my own experience, I could not help questioning the reflection about self growth, although I know it is benefitial to do the honest talk between the two.